I can handle when something is over, but saying goodbye stinks. Last night, we drove Maddie to the airport to return to Scotland. (Here I am being brave at the airport.) We might see her this summer, or it might be the end of the year. Or…well, who knows? Her missionary life is erratic.
I am mostly OK with this. I want her to do what she feels called to do. I want her to do good things in the world. I want her to be independent. She is doing all of those things.
But when I’m hugging her goodbye at the airport, I just want her to not leave. There. I said it. In that moment, I am just sad that she is leaving.
I have a poem in progress called “Without,” and it opens:
Without plunging, a waterfall is only a river
Praise the falling, the walling, the surprise of water standing on end
So, I guess I have to embrace the falling and walling of airport goodbyes to enjoy the beauty and excitement of the waterfall.
And I was listening to Mo Willems on The Yarn (love that podcast!), and he talks about ending the Elephant and Piggie books. Mo Willems is wise. I thought about Maddie and what she would NOT do if she stayed home in Minnesota right now. I thought about which books I would NOT write if I didn’t go through the experience of saying goodbye to Maddie.
And then I thought that this was enough thinking about goodbyes. So, I’m thinking about 2017 and all the exciting things coming up instead. That’s the best remedy I know for goodbyes:>)
Head over to Two Writing Teachers for links to more Slice of Life posts!
No matter how much you want them to live their dreams and do what they want to do, it’s still really, really hard to say goodbye and watch them walk down that long hallway at the airport. You capture that feeling perfectly!
Exactly. I WANT her to follow her dreams–just had saying goodbye. Thanks!
Laura, thanks for sharing. Mothering continues, no matter how old the child. Of course my children are old enough to subtly try the role reversal phase in their lives. They respect the fact that when we push back, they are not quite there yet and deep down they are comforted by that. I remember when we would leave after visiting my mother; she would stand on the sidewalk in front of my childhood home, waving, smiling, but with tears in her eyes. The circle of live goes on and sadness is one slice of the pie. Thinking of you!
Thanks, Martha. Yes, smiling through tears. That seems to sum up a lot:>)
What a wonderful bittersweet moment you have captured. I remember the morning I waved goodbye to my daughter as she started her drive cross country to California. What was I thinking? I wondered. But she survived, did good in the world, and learned many life lessons.
Looking forward to hearing more of “Without.”
Thanks, Rose. I never feared being an empty nester and am happy Maddie is following her dreams, but…it still helps to know I’m part of a legion of moms who have gone through this!
Beautiful poem for a difficult situation. I miss my family in England.
Thank you, Catherine…something about being separated by an ocean:>(
As the parent of young adult children who live far away, I can so relate to this beautifully written reflection. We raise our children to go out into the world, but that does not make the many goodbyes easier. But putting these heart-tugging times back into perspective, seeing them as an integral part of the cycles and rhythms of life, helps.
You’re so right. Stepping back to see the big picture is always helpful for me:>)
Thank you for sharing the podcast by Mo Willems! Also, the poem makes me think: water standing on end…a waterfall is only a river without plunging. I look forward to more of your writing in 2017.
Thanks, Melanie. Perhaps I’ll share the entire poem soon. And The Yarn is awesome. I loved the Mo Willems episode. So apropos.
I have three daughters and we’ve had our share of good-byes. But I realize that they need to break away to be fully who they are, even if I’m left lonely and sad. There’s still the sadness, but it’s wrapped in this knowledge that you have given her wings.
Yes! Joy and sadness interwoven. Parenthood.
Because both of my children still live at home, I have not experienced the “real” goodbyes…yet. But I know they are coming. I only hope I can see the waterfalls! Happy New Year, Laura, and may 2017 bring good things to us all.
Thank you, Leigh Anne–same to you!
Beautiful, thanks for sharing what many of us experience this time of year..
Thanks, Vanessa:>)
Beautiful and thoughtful words about saying goodbye. I like how you turn around looking toward the future.
Thanks, Terje–it’s pretty much all we can do, right?
There is only the choice to say goodbye and let them live their own lives, but for us parents, not ever easy no matter how proud we are. Saying goodbye to my son & family when they take off for home feels the same every time. Your poem started feels so right, but hugs to you in the sadness, too.
Gosh, Linda, she’s been flying off to Scotland for more than 2 years now, but I was hoping eventually it would get easier. You’re saying it doesn’t? Ack! Thank you for the hugs:>)
You’re welcome. I guess it does get a little easier because you know it’s happening, but still there is a twinge! Hugs again!
Parents like you are what create whole kids who are okay coming back to the nest when they need to – you don’t make a big deal of things, and you don’t try to prevent her leaving. Go, you. And, Go, Maddie. Because of you, she will always come back.
Thank you, Tanita. I needed this. We want her to be independent and live her own life, follow her own dreams! So I’m still surprised by how much saying goodbye hurts…every time.
An amazing poem! Be proud of who she has become. You have done your job well.
Thanks, Donna–we are SO proud of her:>)
Goodbyes tend to come with motherhood once those kids start leaving and living their lives, don’t they?
They do. And they’re hard. Living across the world is hard, but the moment of the goodbye is much harder than that!
I love this post, Laura, and can so empathize with those goodbyes. My favorite poems are those that make me see things in new ways, and the beginning of your poem does just that. It’s wonderful. I hope you’ll share more as it progresses.
Thanks, Molly–that’s the best thing about poetry, isn’t it? I will pry share the whole thing in a couple of weeks, even though it still needs work. Haven’t touched the poem in a few years, so…might as well:>)
As someone who hates endings and goodbyes and change of most kinds, I was also struck by Mo Willems’s words about endings in this podcast and thought, huh. That’s a different way of looking at things. Much healthier than my resistance!
Mo’s approach (though he’s not where I first heard it expressed this general way) has for years made it easier for me to say no to things. For every yes, I’m usually giving up writing time. Sadly, it doesn’t really help at the moment I’m hugging Maddie goodbye just before security at the airport, sending her off overseas. But for most other stuff–yes!