Putrid Poetry: Day 9: The Ballad of My Shameful Mother

Dr. Louis Pasternak Skullstench: Stealth Poet
Poetry Assignment #9: The Ballad

The Ballad of My Shameful Mother

Last Thursday my mom
could not come to my game.
I felt floods of relief
and a trickle of shame.

My mom always hollered
and screamed at the ref
as I dribbled downfield
and wished I was deaf.

But Mom had to work!
She said, “Pack up your gear.
Bran’s dad will come get you.”
(I tried not to cheer.)
 
I was happy and chill
until Bran’s father said,
“I think that’s your mom–
at the light just ahead.”

He pulled alongside her,
said, “Yep, she’s right there!”
My smile morphed into
a horrified stare.

My mom sang some hip-hop
and struck a star pose;
she tapped out a drumbeat
and then picked her nose.  

It was Thursday and Mom
could not come to my game,
But moms always know
how to bring their sons shame.

She didn’t really strike a pose, but the hip-hop and nose-picking are real. Can you believe how embarrassing my mom is?

I believe that is the job of motherhood, Louis: embarrassing your children. Your storytelling skills are apparent here, and the way the ending echoes the beginning is quite effective. 

This time, Miss Sweetmallow read two poems.
Bran (who is supposed to be my friend!) had written a ballad about two monsters who go to college and fight and make up. He totally got that from a movie. Cheater!
And then Goldie’s poem–of course. What does Miss Sweetmallow see in all that mushy stuff?
Why wasn’t she reading any of MY poems?

Oh.
Noowwwwwww I get it.
She doesn’t want to make the other kids feel bad.