Write After Reading: Living the Life Poetic is a weekly online book club with poetry participation. It alternates between my blog and Susan Taylor Brown’s blog. Susan hosted about Small Stones in this week’s post, and here we’re talking this week about Chapter 29: Making Music: Rhyme, Rhythm, and Repetition.
Song lyrics are some of my favorite poems, so I was drawn to this chapter. I love what Sage has to say about rhyme and rhythm and how they make songs stick in our heads and hearts. I especially like the section on repetition, though. I write lots of poems with rhythm and rhyme, but I rarely use a refrain or chorus. And when I do use one, if it works well, I think to myself, Wow, why aren’t I using this every time?
Here’s my favorite thing that she says: The real craft of repetition comes in offering something fresh with each appearance, using a recurring idea or image to peel back layer after layer, rather than circling the reader back to the same idea, of which he will tire easily.
This is something I always struggle with. Not just in a refrain, but in meter as well. I need to work to add more nuance, more variety to my poems.
One of my favorite songs is “100 Years,” by Five for Fighting. It’s so haunting and gorgeous. Here are the words:
I’m 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I’m just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I’m 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we’re on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there’s still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there’s never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I’m 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I’m a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I’m 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I’m heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there’s still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I’m all right with you
15, there’s never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We’re moving on…
I’m 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I’m just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there’s still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day’s a new day…
15 there’s still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there’s never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
And here’s the video. If you don’t have time to watch it, just play it in the background at least while you’re online today!
John Ondrasik writes the simplest, most effective lyrics. And his chorus is repeated, but it changes a bit each time. Love that.
I also love “Let Evening Come.” Jane Kenyon wrote this poem while she was battling the cancer that later killed her, and the peace and strength and acceptance here blows me away every time I read it. The repetition of “Let…” and “Let evening come” is so soothing.
My plan was to write a poem modeled after “100 Years,” but I’m exhausted and fried and not in any shape to do a larger exercise like that. So I’m going to just try writing a poem that repeats a word or phrase.
Beyond
Beyond this breath
hover deadlines and dishwashers
and time assigned in
the smallest increments
Beyond this leaf
tangle limbs that need trimming
and squirrels
and emerald ash borers
So I close my eyes
and breathe and touch
and I do not go
beyond
Beyond this man
years hang empty
hollow and long
hot and sad
So I touch his arm
and kiss his fingers
and I will not go
beyond
Beyond this heartbeat
drift sorrow and chance
and chores and tomorrow
or maybe not
So I dance inside
the rhythm inside
I close my eyes
and I do not go
beyond
–Laura Purdie Salas, all rights reserved
Huh. That’s not what I expected to come out! I was going to write about infinity, eternity, the unknown…and instead it came out as kind of a praise poem to the moment, the tiny, the known.
Life is kicking my butt right now, in lots of ways. Maybe this is just me telling myself to think small and appreciate each moment I have and each person I love. Anyway, that’s my first draft.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this chapter. What are your favorite song lyrics? Will you write a poem imitating one of your favorites? Or, like me, do you want to write a first draft that uses a repeated word or phrase?
Can’t wait to see what you come up with! Remember—it’s just an exercise. Nobody’s expecting perfection. I’m not even expecting polished words at all. To me, it’s just a chance for us to challenge ourselves and see what happens! Join in!