You can read Day 1 here.
So, yesterday morning, I walked around a little pond. It was lovely, misty, and grey out, so nobody else was walking. That meant I could think about my poem and do a little brainstorming. I dictated possible lines into my poem based around this line:
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
I wanted to write from a child’s point of view, and of the three lines I was considering, this seemed the most kid-friendly. But, as I listen back to my 1:19 recording, I am disappointed. Here are the various lines I came up with.
My favorite things and the opposites they go with
A hummingbird’s rainbow wings–tiny, swift
A glittery hummingbird’s wings–all lift and swift
or lift of swift
or blur of swift
or blur of rainbow swift
My heartbeat in my ribcage, steady soft slow
The drum inside my ribcage, soft and slow
Raindrops drip off aspen tree, small and sweet
The drizzle of morning mist, fizzy and sweet
Lemon curd inside a cupcake, tangy, sour
Stars swirling, sky adazzle
Thoughts swimming, day now dim
Well. I like specific moments in there, but overall, it feels like all I did was take those adjectives and give examples of them. I didn’t really give them new life at all. And most of them are not kid-voiced at all. Sigh.
I think I like this form best when you don’t notice the end words and their hidden relationship to each other. I feel like I’ve just put up big neon signs that say, “Did you notice the end words? Did you? Huh? Did you?”
So, I will try a different approach for Day 3. Probably with a different line altogether.
“I think I like this form best when you don’t notice the end words and their hidden relationship to each other” Exactly. EXACTLY. Which is why this is such a toughie. It has to be nonchalantly including words – but the poem itself doesn’t have a nonchalant bone in its body. And yet, it certainly gives us a bit to play with…