Welcome, and happy Poetry Friday! (Wondering what Poetry Friday is? Click here.) I’m so happy you’ve dropped by. Whether you’re a regular participant in the Poetry Friday world, or you ended up here from a search or a link, please know that we’re a welcoming community! Read, comment, think, share, and enjoy!
My wonderful mom-in-law passed away earlier this month. This lovely photo of her was taken the day before she had a bad fall that led to a coma and her passing. To be clear, she was 94 and declining, and her passing was a blessing. But. Still very sad that she’s not on this earth any more.
In her lap are the family photos I printed out each month and sent to her. My sister-in-law Lori (who did the enormous bulk of helping care for Mom) said that Mom even remembered everyone’s names that day. I’ll cherish this picture <3
I don’t often write poems about or for real people. But I realized that I processed her failing health and increasing memory loss and dementia in a few poem drafts. I found three of them, and I thought I’d share them here.
It’s funny. I don’t think these poems probably connect with anyone else–they’re just so specific. But I think they did help me sort through my own thoughts and reactions. I’ve shared these before, but here they are again.
At Mom’s burial on Tuesday, my husband Randy read that last poem aloud, along with a paragraph I wrote. She was a special person. And while none of these drafts is really polished, I’m glad I got to offer something inspired by Mom.
And for a wide variety of terrific poetry posts, check out the Poetry Friday Roundup with blogger Jama Rattigan, whose posts are always filled with food, poetry, and art!
33 Responses
loss is a four letter word
as is
hurt.
I’m sending hugs.
Oh, Joyce. What a poem those first three lines are. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing. My mom entered memory care a year ago, and I really connected with your third poem. I love the image of the sun and the earth reaching out with love and stability to the “mapless” one–that’s such a good word for it.
I wish you comfort in your loss, Laura!
Hugs to you, Sara. “Comfort in your loss”–thank you, and the same back to you. Because with dementia, the loss happens so much earlier than when your loved one actually leaves this earth.
That first poem really hit me in the gut, particularly those last three lines. I think the poem that was shared at her funeral is lovely. Sending you and Randy much love in this time of loss.
Thanks, Tricia <3
Oh, I am sorry for this sad goodbye, Laura. In your poems, you’ve shown your dear mother-in-law with much love. That “hug of gravity” means a lot to those who, like her, “spin, mapless”, and to you who love so much, remember wonderful things for them.
Thank you, Linda <3
The Moon Has Lost Her Memory” such a gorgeous poem Laura, beautiful bittersweet contrast between “She spins, mapless/through the great empty,” and “but the sun pours light/on her confusion.” It’s chockfull of images. All are full of heart, thanks for sharing them. Sending thoughts and hugs.
Thanks, Michelle :>)
I am so sorry for your loss, Laura. These are beautiful poems, and it was a gift for you to share them with us. “The Moon Has Lost Her Memory” will haunt me in a healing way. Thank you. May her memory be a blessing…with so many doll clothes clothing so many dolls, how could it not be? xo, a.
Thanks, Amy. Randy, in his eulogy, talked about the coasters and little things she made all the way up until her early 90s, and gave away to everyone she met. After the funeral, a woman came up to him and pulled a keychain or coaster or bookmark–something Mom had made–out of her purse and said, “Noella gave me this!” It was a great moment.
Thanks for sharing these poems, each luminous in its own way and so heartfelt. Continuing to hold you, Randy, and the entire family in my heart.
Thank you, Jama <3
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your poems are a lovely tribute to your mom-in-law. “The Moon Has Lost Her Memory” is heartbreaking. It brought back memories of my mother who has dementia. Sending love and hugs to you and your family. xo
Thank you, Linda. Dementia is a monster, a continual, slow-motion death. That’s how it seems most of the time, I think. But then there are those lovely moments…Still, I’m glad my father passed before his dementia really intensified.
There is such vulnerability and honesty in your poems. Thank you for being brave to share them. These life experiences, like grief,( like the loss I share on my blog today) are so universal. I think poetry can help express what is hard to put into words and bring comfort.
Thank you, Cathy, I think you’re right. Poetry just helps me sort out what I feel, what I think, what I worry about…
So sorry for your loss, Laura. What a gift you gave your mom-in-law, Randy, and the rest of the family with your heartfelt words of healing. Thank you for sharing it all with us.
I love the moon … certain of her place. It’s so hard to lose a parent slowly to dementia. The loss is profoundly stretched over time. It is lovely how you honored her with your words.
I know you know this pain much more intimately than I do, Margaret. Hugs to you <3
Laura, tonight I am glad to read the poems you created. They connect with me because I know your grief is enclosed within your words. I lift both you and Randy up in prayer. I believe that Randy was in a sacred space when he read your poem. The memories of your Mother-in-Law will soothe your soul but not right away. It takes time to stop thinking of sadness during the immediate mourning time. May your weekend be filled with hope.
Thank you, Carol. I felt your heart and own grief in your loving words to me <3
What a heartfelt post. First, I’m sorry for your loss and overjoyed with the fullness of love you found in your Mom-in-law. That is truly special. You might not think these poems apply to others, but oh they do. There are so many details of losing someone to dementia that are sadly, universal. What a beautiful activity sending those photos each month. What an amazing daughter in law you are and now mother in law with that beautiful example to follow. I love all of it so much.
Aw, thank you for the kind words, Linda. All I can think of really are the times when I didn’t answer her phone calls because she kept calling to tell me the same thing over and over again (and phone calls were especially hard due to her hearing loss). Sigh…
Thank you for sharing. I am in the middle of dealing with my Dad’s dementia and it is really hard. You’ve inspired me to write some poems about him and what my family is going through. I believe it will help in dealing with the grief and gradual loss of who my dad once was.
Oh, Sandra, my heart goes out to you. It is SO hard. Your comment really made my day. I hope you do write some poems. I feel like poetry is one of the best ways to pour out those deep anxieties and emotions that are too big for everyday sentences. I’m sending you hugs and strength for the journey…
Thank you for sharing and inspiring her beautiful life. My mom is 93 and is living with dementia. She sewed so many things also. Definitely can relate and it touched my heart.
Thank you, Sarah, for letting me know that resonated with you. Sending hugs and strength to you and your mom. xo
This is wonderful, Laura. Thank you for sharing as you still grieve. I wrote a few poems after loosing my mom in ’23, but haven’t been able to do it with my dad. I was closer to him and am wondering if that has something to do with it. Mom had dementia, Dad was sharp up until almost the end. I’m glad your words were shared at your MIL’s funeral.
That’s interesting, Carol. I wonder (but could be totally wrong) if you could write about your mom because you’d been grieving longer, since dementia takes away that person we love long before they actually pass. And that maybe your grief over your dad still has to process a bit more. Also, dementia is such a monster of a disease–seems to lend itself to metaphor, to figurative thinking. Anyway, I’m glad you could write about your mom. And it’s okay to grieve and process in totally different ways for your dad. <3
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear mom-in-law, Laura. Your poems are poignant and touching. “The Moon Has Lost Her Memory” was especially touching to me. Sundowning is such a real thing. Sympathy and hugs to you and your family!
Thanks so much, Karen :>)