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Dr. Louis Pasternak Skullstench: Stealth Poet Poetry Assignment #12: The Haiku Don’t Look at Uncle Gary! He wears a Speedo Like a plump water balloon Wears a rubber band Nothing shocks you? I’ll find something…I know haiku has to be about nature, but we were at the lake. Does that count? I must confess this

Dr. Louis Pasternak Skullstench: Stealth Poet Poetry Assignment #11: The Acrostic My Mom Doesn’t Always Embarrass Me Mom, I would be an Orphan without you!  [So don’t take a job in some other country] Thank you for not Hugging me in public. Or private. Even when you’re Right about something, you never rub it in.

Dr. Louis Pasternak Skullstench: Stealth Poet Poetry Assignment #10: Hyperbole Guaranteed to Make You Puke If you ever need to make yourself sick the night before a test         or a family portrait             or dinner with Grandpa creep downstairs to the kitchen after bedtime Discover your mom and dad k– k–

Dr. Louis Pasternak Skullstench: Stealth Poet Poetry Assignment #9: The Ballad The Ballad of My Shameful Mother Last Thursday my mom could not come to my game. I felt floods of relief and a trickle of shame. My mom always hollered and screamed at the ref as I dribbled downfield and wished I was deaf.

Dr. Pasternak: Stealth Poet Poetry Assignment #7: Rhyme Head Cheese It wiggles and shimmies and does a slight jig It’s gelatin pickled with pieces of pig There’s a sliver of tongue and a big chunk of heart There’s a huge hunk of dark and mysterious pig part. It’s nasty!  Revolting! Disgusting to see! And I

Louis J. Pasternak Poetry Assignment #6: The List Poem If You Accidentally Swallow Ocean Water … you also swallow: gloopy whale blubber broken starfish arms penguin poop dead fish sunken ships lobster shells and all the pee of all the kids in the world, even kids in Europe and Australia and Africa and including my

[Note from Laura: Hi, teachers and readers! If Louis were writing a gross poem about me today, it would be about head colds, congestion, crusty stuff, and maybe green stuff, too. :>(  Yup, I’ve got a cold. And I’m glad Louis isn’t here to describe it. Thanks for reading!] Louis J. Pasternak Poetry Assignment #5:

Louis J. Pasternak Poetry Assignment #4: Repetition Pimple Popping There’s a pimple on my cheek and I’m dying just to pop it I was picking at it yesterday ’til Marty hollered, “Stop it!” It’s shiny and it’s white and I’m dying just to pop it Bran shows off his callus but he knows that doesn’t

Louis J. Pasternak Poetry Assignment #3: Metaphors My Grand Canyon Feet Under a magnifying glass, my feet form a desert– sandy, dry, cracked deep slices carved out: canyons that held rivers a zillion years ago in the Great Foot Desert. Only sweat trickles through canyons Mysterious mosses sometimes grow there if I forget flip-flops for

Louis J. Pasternak Poetry Assignment #2: Similes Lovebug Popcorn Kamikaze lovebugs crowd highways, smash into our windshield, explode like splotchy white popcorn Miss S – Did you see my simile? Lovebugs look like popcorn! How cool is that? Louis, I am always devastated when I drive through swarms of lovebugs in May…such a tragic loss

It Begins Miss Sweetmallow said we had to write poetry. I hate poetry. I like folding my eyelids back so you can see the wet parts underneath. I like playing basketball until I’m dripping in sweat and then shaking my whole body so everybody gets a shower. I even like to risk getting poisoned every